Many years ago when Ms. Snarker was but a wee lass, her family took a summer vacation to Colorado and did quite a bit of hiking. During one hike, a very sizeable, sharp rock was kicked loose and it made a beeline for Mama Snarker’s leg (Mama Snarker is the mother of Ms. Snarker). The wound on the back of her knee was very deep and scary. Papa Snarker (father of Ms. Snarker) carried a first aid kit in his backpack, and he really wanted to suture up Mama Snarker right there on the side of the mountain. She insisted that he simply bandage her knee tightly and assist her down the mountain to a proper clinic where the suturing could be performed by an actual medical professional. Papa Snarker was quite disappointed.
Fortunately, everything worked out just fine and Mama Snarker has a cool scar that makes her look like a badass. But if the situation had been more serious, and if more drastic on-mountain first aid had been required, Ms. Snarker is pretty confident that her mama would have chosen to bleed out over going with your method of emergency care, Mr. Outdoors.
Ms. Snarker was pretty horrified by your pin and its caption:
“If you’re out in the woods and you get cut, forget bandaids. Use ants to suture your wounds.”
This was Ms. Snarker’s inner monologue upon seeing your pin:
What? Ants? No… Surely he doesn’t mean ANTS like the bug. Right? Let me click through to the original photo source for clarification…
EGADS! That is an actual ant! And it is really scary looking!
But I still don’t understand…. Maybe the caption for that really scary picture will clear things up:
“Bring edges of wound together, apply ants, allow them to bite down, rip their bodies off, and presto, dissolvable sutures!”
HOLY. MOTHER. OF GOD!
Ms. Snarker is torn between disgust at the thought of walking around with ant heads embedded in her skin and sympathy for the ants that had their BODIES RIPPED OFF.
If Ms. Snarker has trouble sleeping tonight, she’s going to be really pissed at you, Mr. Outdoors.